Just to give a prelude, I was asked a specific question almost 48 hours ago and ever since I answered that question all this has been bubbling beneath the surface. I am not going to say WHO asked me the question or WHAT the question was. But I do know that the question brought all this up to the surface. So before the surface explodes I am opting to use this as a sounding board to vent. Needless to say the question was indeed about women and what they might want to consider in regards to men and relationships. The cleansing process [venting] begins now....
(1) MEN ARE HUMAN BEINGS!! Just because men and women are raised and conditioned to believe that men are the pursuers and should be able to ACCEPT rejection does NOT mean that men are IMMUNE to rejection!! Men HATE rejection just as much as women do. The only difference is...MEN have almost NO options. We have to pursue and run the risk of rejection or we won't get anywhere regarding women because women most certainly believe that they should not be running around after men...which brings me to my next one...
(2) MEN LIKE WOMEN TO SHOW THEM SOME INTEREST AS WELL!! What is so wrong with telling a brother whom you see on the street that his cologne smells nice or that he looks fine or that he has wonderful eyes, a beautiful smile, etc.? Men do it all the time!! I have LOST count of how many times women have said to me that if they see a brother in the street, on the subway, in the store, at the dry cleaners, in the library, wherever....and they think he looks so handsome but they don't say a damn thing to him. We say it to y'all!! What...?? Y'all expect us to read your minds now? This brings me to my third area.
(3) MEN CANNOT READ MINDS!! Look honey...we love ya but we cannot read your minds!! You might wanna think that 'I should just know' but I won't know a dayum thing unless you tell me. If I ask you: "Are you mad at me" and you say "No" then what you think I am going to believe? I am going to believe that you not mad at me even though YOU over there seething because you believe that 'I should just be able to tell when things ain't right.' This brings me to my fourth point
(4) When something ain't right and you KNOW you at fault, OWN UP TO IT! BE A WOMAN ABOUT IT!! This man here ain't gonna assume the position that because I am a man that I am always wrong and you are always right just because you feel that you just HAVE TO BE RIGHT!! It takes two people in order to conduct a relationship. Therefore it also takes two people to screw it up!!
(5) Just because your daddy did A,B,C, X, Y and Z for you all your life please do not even think that the same thing is going to happen here. HE IS YOUR DADDY!! I am your MAN!! Enormous Difference!! You don't wanna even go there with me!! Cause if I held you up to the same standards that I look for from my momma you would NOT even make it into the vestibule of my building, let alone my apartment!! But see, I am fair. I do not expect from my woman what I get from my momma. So therefore don't you expect from your man what you get from your daddy! YOUR MAN CANNOT BE YOUR DADDY!! I HATE THAT SHEYT!!
(6) KNOW HOW TO LOVE ME & EXPRESS THAT!! Don't think that just because we men that we don't need love, just sex!! Don't think that just because we men hat we don't need affection, just sex!! WE NEED IT ALL!! Don't even buy into the stereotype that all you gotta do is screw us [and blow us] and we good to go so now you can get out of us whatever you want from us!! It don't even work like that!! If your intention is to get something out of me, just ask. Don't think plying me with sex is going to get you any closer to your goal. If your intention is to love me then love me COMPLETELY and not half way!! I know THIS man is not the one.
(7) NOT ALL MEN ARE LOOKING FOR A TROPHY!! Don't think all you got to do is look good and be well shaped and it ends there!!! HELL NO!! Any fool can look good but if you gonna call yourself wanting to be with me then you gotta bring some intelligence. SEX is great, but there is more to any relationship than sex. Have some intelligence...know how to hold a conversation. Have some skills...know how to cook [cause I know I do]. Have some ambition...[want to achieve something out of life. Have some limits..stand for something, anything!! Have some integrity...be sincere. Have your priorities in place....do NOT put your career before your family [especially not before me, cause in my mind my woman and my family come FIRST so it better be the SAME with you].
(8) DON'T LOOK FOR A MAN TO HAVE EVERYTHING!! I cannot count how many times women say he need to have a dayum good job, a house, a car [or two], money in the bank, good credit, the list goes on and on. Yet what is she bringing to the table other than sex? I cannot count how many times I done heard a woman say, I'm already poor, why we gotta BOTH be poor? Oh...so you just want him to have EVERYTHING and you just walk in and assume ownership and you ain't earned a dayum thing that he got. Helloooooooooo!! Just cause your man got money...YOUR AZZ IS STILL BROKE!! Whatever happened to a man and a woman getting together and working together to build something together [such as that house, those cars, that money in the bank, the good credit, etc.]?? What....you don't think you should have to work for ANYTHING now?? But yet we gotta work for everything!! Take that over there ===>
(8) JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT A MAN DOES NOT MEAN YOU GOT A HUSBAND!! I done seen it happen WAY too many times!! I know a couple right now, they are engaged...granted. But even BEFORE they got engaged she was referring to herself as Mrs. and using his last name!! Do not take on my name until we exchange vows and I give it to you!! I done seen too many relationships AND engagements that ended before anybody said "I do" So as I said...until we exchange vows, this is MY name and not yours. You have your OWN name!!
(9) WHAT WORKED BACK IN THE 60's FOR YOUR PARENTS IS NOT NECESSARILY GOING TO WORK FOR YOU AND I TODAY!! I do not know for certain but I can tell that a lot of men are no longer accepting and assuming those old-fashioned ways of living and thinking. If they were then there would not be more men than ever before who are over 35 and still never married with no kids. Again [not speaking for all men] but since so many more are single than ever before then I believe it is safe to say that men believe that there are no "gender roles" in a relationship. I can and do cook, so I expect any woman I am with to do the same. I can and do iron, so I expect any woman I am with to do the same. I can and do clean my apt so I expect any woman I am with to do the same. I can and do take out garbage so I expect any woman I am with to do the same. In other words, I don't believe in 'men do this and women don't'. I don't believe in 'women do this and men don't.' The only thing men cannot do is give birth and breastfeed. Other than that we can do everything else. We obviously are since so many of us are still single. Doesn't that send out a red flag to you ladies?
(10) HAVE YOUR MAN'S BACK!! I have heard women say "if things get tight financially then as a man he is supposed to go out and get a 2nd job!" Show me where it says that the majority burden falls on a man. I thought it took 2 in order to conduct a relationship? If things get tight be willing to cut back. Be willing to sacrifice. If you not employed be willing to go out and get a job. Don't expect him to carry it all. Have his back. Be ready to get in the trenches when the need calls for it. One of my own sisters complained to me once that every time her man went to work the doorman would flirt with her afterwards. Why couldn't SHE tell the doorman to back off? Why did she expect her man to know and do something about it? Hell...he was at work. He supposed to know what is going on at home when he at work? She can't tell the doorman to back off? If you cannot speak up on behalf of your man then you do NOT have his back. Your man gets involved ONLY if you say back off and he does not!! EVERY MAN I KNOW SAYS THAT!! If you can't speak up, if you can't get in the trenches, if you don't want to sacrifice to make it work then YOU DO NOT HAVE YOUR MAN'S BACK!! It is as simple as that!!
(11) Ladies...LEARN TO PICK UP A CHECK!! You want us MEN to spend our money on you buying you drinks at the bar, buying you dinner, buying your movie ticket, buying your concert ticket, etc. Is there some type of cardinal sin in you picking up a check or even dutch treat? Exactly what is proven when we as men use our money ALL THE TIME to buy you drinks? Exactly what is proven when we as men use our money ALL THE TIME to buy your movie ticket? Exactly what is proven when we as men use our money ALL THE TIME to buy your concert ticket? Exactly what is proven when we as men use our money ALL THE TIME to buy your dinner? Exactly what is proven when we as men use our money ALL THE TIME to provide your entertainment? Can you all please tell me? I mean it must prove something to you because you look for us to do it ALL THE TIME. Does it prove that we are not cheap?? Does it prove that we are sincere about you? Is this your tool of measurement to verify that we are not cheap or insincere or something? Because if it is then let me say right up front that your tool of measurement is flawed in 2006. I guess the words: "I'm interested in you and would like to get to know you better" does not work anymore.
(12) WOMEN...STOP USING YOUR BODY AND SEX AS A BARTERING TOOL IN ORDER TO GET WHAT YOU WANT!! IT GIVES THE APPEARANCE THAT YOU ARE A HOE WHO IS WILLING TO GO TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER!!
(13) STOP LIVING IN A FANTASY. AIN'T NO KNIGHT RIDING A WHITE HORSE GONNA RUSH IN AND RESCUE YOU FROM ANYTHING. YOU WANT TO BE RESCUED, YOU GONNA HAVE TO WORK TOWARDS THAT
[sniffing a chocolate candy bar]....okay everyone! I'm back now!! The cleansing process [venting] is now over....for now anyways.
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