TRIBUTE: Goodnight to my baby sister Stacey Yvette Johnson-Wright

On Friday June 5, 2009 between 8pm and 9pm my baby sister passed away.


What I learned in one swift overnight moment is that all of the things that we go back and forth about mean nothing. The only thing that means anything is LOVE and LIFE! Do it really really matter if he or she [whom you are looking for] earns less than a given amount? My baby sister is gone and no amount of what I or anyone else earns will ever bring her back.


What I learned in one swift overnight moment is that all of the things that we disagree on mean nothing. The only thing that we were put on this earth for is to serve our heavenly father and to CLING to each other. Because I believe one thing that does not fall in line with what you believe in does that make me any less of a man? Does that bring question to me in any way? My baby sister is gone and I will never even get to talk to her again, let alone disagree with her. I will never get the chance to ask her a question or have her ask me a question.


What I have learned in one swift overnight moment is that all of the things that we claim are deal breakers, so what? The only reason that they are dealbreakers is not because we know we can't put up with or deal with them. They reason that they are dealbreakers for us is all PURELY SELFISH. We don't want to deal with them. My baby sisters is gone and I would put up with anything that is thrown my way if I thought for a half a heart beat that it would bring her back. Absolutely anything!


What I have learned in one swift overnight moment is that all of the walls that we put up is due to nothing but fear. Fear of opening up and allowing LOVE, LIFE and LAUGHTER in our lives all based on what has happened before that we just all cannot seem to get past and allow to paralyze us. My baby sister is gone and I would give anything to hear her laughter just one more time. To hear the life in her voice just one more time or to feel the love that she radiates just one more time.


What I have learned in one swift overnight moment is that NOTHING IN LIFE MATTERS! Get past the pain. Get past the heartache. Get past the hurt. LOVE as God has commanded us to love. Life is a gift that is to be cherished and not taken for granted. Certainly not wasted in wallowing in the past. My baby sister is gone I will never be allowed to share my life with her or show my love to her ever again.


What I have learned in one swift overnight moment is that you should not EVER put parameters on a relationship. EVER! Brothers, if she [be it your wife, mom, significant other, aunt, cousin, sister or daughter] wants another piece of dessert, that purse, those shoes, that necklace or anything else you can think of will it REALLY do so much to you to get up and go make it happen? Sisters, if he [be it your husband, dad, significant other, uncle, cousin, brother or son] wants that camera, that x-box, that ipod, another child even will it really do so much damage to you to find a way to let him have it? My baby sister is gone and as I walk through the grief process I am recalling that there was nothing that my baby sister wanted that I did not do or give her if I was humanly able to. I recall telling my brother in law that one day he and I were going to have a sit down and I was going to tell him everything that I had ever did to make his wife spoiled. Now that she is gone I am glad to have done it all. Because in one swift moment my baby sister is gone and now that I won't get the chance, I'm glad I took advantage when I did have the chance.


WHAT I LEARNED IN ONE SWIFT OVERNIGHT MOMENT IS THAT WE NEED TO GET OVER IT, LET IT GO, GET PAST IT. LEARN TO LIVE AND LAUGH AND LOVE EACH OTHER...


BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE


BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE


BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE


As I write the numbness has now turned into tears so I know that the reality is now hitting me. Please DON'T WAIT UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE!


Goodnight my baby sister Stacey Yvette Johnson-Wright
April 14, 1970 - June 5, 2009


I love you and miss you already

Top 10 Ways to Tell You're Insecure

1. You can't take a joke. You went on a double date, and the other guy mentioned in jest how old your shoes were. It's just joke, but because those who are insecure are often very defensive due to competitiveness, you're ready to put that shoe he teased you about right in the crack of his...

2. You are extremely negative to others of the same sex. Why do you have to talk about every female that walks through the door at Red Lobster, when you should be enjoying your dinner? The competitiveness in putting others down, to build your own self up is a mechanism people use to cope with their insecurities.

3. You have separation anxiety. You're not a puppy, so why is it that every time he leaves your house you have a minor panic attack? He did just spend the weekend, and it's Monday. Let the man go to work...geesh. Excessive distress when separated from your love interest is a subtle sign of insecurity.

4. You check your significant other's phone while he or she is sleeping. If you're waiting significant other is in the middle of a heavy sleep to snoop, just remember that most insecure people have deep trust issues. More often than not, if you look for something you will find it. However, violating your mate's privacy is also is sign of how much confidence you lack.

5. You befriend a family member just to be able to get an "update." When you're suspicious without reason, you try to find any reason to make your insecurities and suspicions excusable. One of the most extreme is to insincerely befriend someone who is close to your boo. You know you really hate his cousin Tammie, but she's his roommate, and all you can think is using her as your private eye.

6. You always like to "check in" to "see what they are doing." How many times are you going to check in on our significant other a day without it smothering the person? You play it cool like you're interested in how his or her day is going and what he or she is up to, but when you call 4:02 pm, and then again at 4:04 pm, how much could have changed?

7. You talk about how many people have hit on you in the past 24 hours. People who lack self-confidence often try to overcompensate by seeking attention. You are not fooling anyone when you run home to tell your boyfriend five guys tried to get your number today, when you know the group included a man with three teeth and a lazy eye and your neighborhood street peddler.

8. You love to tell your partner what they are/aren't going to do. "Listen Anna Mae, what you aren't going to do is go out with your girlfriends tonight when you have a man at home." Who died and made your mate your parent? Insecure people are easily threatened by the smallest things and use bullying tactics in an attempt in regain control.

9. You love fishing. For a compliment, that is. Those who are insecure have a constant need for reassurance and that can become dangerously annoying. Confidence is a turn on. If you have to ask "Do I look good?" thirty times before you walk out the door, guess what? You probably don't.

10. You begin to start your sentences with "If you really love me..." Insecure men and women know how to manipulate the art of the guilt trip like pros. Love isn't measured by how much your mate can be guilt-tripped into doing something for you. The important thing is knowing that in healthy relationships, love is measured by what a person does willingly.

The Truth About Marriage as per L-Mani Viney

Okay, I just got another Life Lesson. Probably the most important one that I'll ever receive. But just to give credit where credit is due, these are NOT the words of TrueLogic1914. These are the words of a fellow greek that he knows by the name of L-Mani Viney. Frater Viney is a member of Kappa alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc and he is married with a son and a daughter. He and his family reside in New Jersey. So these are ALL his words from start to finish. I just happen to believe each and every one of them. With that said, let us get into the core of this topic.


Lets get into this.

To be clear. This is only MY truth from My Experiences. You can agree or disagree and I'm kool with that, but they are MY experiences.

The Truth about Marriage ~ Ten (10) specific points

1. Married people lie.
They put on fronts for people to believe how good it is. Until all of a sudden they get divorced. This eff's up single people because they oftentimes base their philosophy on marriage on what their friends display. The truth. It's hard. It's an emotional grind.

2. There is a fine line between someone worth marrying or long term dating.
Heard of six degree's of separation? Try one. That's all it takes. One degree of difference between someone being worthy of being with for the rest of your life or just dating. One of the reasons divorce is so high is because people measure the qualifications for marriage on linear time and effort put in. Nope sorry. Just because you put time in doesn't mean that persons for you.

3. Exterior and Superficial Qualifications don't make for a happy marriage.

So what you cook. So what you clean. So what he has a job and so what she looks good or is good in bed. Those things are nice but they become inconsequential when your with the same person day in and day out. You better come to the table with more than that. Do you support his or her dreams. Are you an enabler to their success, do you like (forget love) and respect each other? Answer those.

4. Marry off the things you don't have in common and not the ones you do.

No one ever gets divorced off the things you have in common. So you better respect the things you don't and ask yourself whether or not you can live with those differences for the rest of your life. If you can't, move on.

5. Marriage is a business partnership. Period.

A prosperous marriage is one in which both parties see eye to eye in regards to their individual and family future. Regardless of how in love you may be, if your financial and business goals are not aligned it will not last. Because it would require one or the other to sacrifice their dreams.

6. Cheating does happen.

And? No one is going to be honest about whether they did it or not. But it does happen. We have all seen it, so lets not play stupid. While absolutely wrong and a disrespect to the spouse it doesn't mean the other person wants to leave their wife or husband. Not at all.

7. Some people are more in love with the idea of being married or the idea of the wedding day than they are the person.
It's a very powerful image. You are the star of the day. Or everyone sees the ring. Or you see the family with the kids. And you say to yourself "I want that!" and you project that image so strong that you put it on the person that gives you that opportunity, regardless of whether or not they deserve it.

8. Real marriages don't live in cliches.
I hate them I hate them I hate them. No its about what you do day to day. Cliches get you nowhere. When you have a wife, kids, a mortgage that's real world stuff. Cliches are one size fits all explanations from people that have never been married. So leave them alone.

9. Married people in good marriages understand how quick they can turn bad.

It's work. 24/7. Your under no illusion it's good today but can become bad the next. SO you work at it and stay humble realizing you dont have all the answers and you're going to make mistakes, but as long as you each see eye to eye on the larger goals everything else you can work through.

10. Finding the perfect spouse is pure luck.

Talk all the science and read all the books you want. Its luck period. If it wasn't luck than everyone that went to a good college should be married. Or everyone that flows in certain circles should be too. But it doesn't work that way. There is only ONE of you on this planet, and what your asking yourself to do is find someone else that can be compatible to YOU and YOU to them. Yeah good luck with that.

Lastly let me say this. These are my opinions. Mine only. Single folk take em or leave em. But I wrote this because too many people have superficial and unrealistic thoughts about what marriage is. Its not easy and its not easy to find that one. Its rough its hard and not for everybody.

Now as a man who is not married, I can say without hesitation that I have heard [in some form or another] #1, #3, #5, #6, #7 and #10. I have not ever heard #9 before but it makes perfect sense. So I will definitely be following these words as words to consider as I continue to search for the one who is for me. Let's just hope that she is not suffering from #7 and that she is NOT unrealistic about marriage.

These are the words of TrueLogic1914 via Kappa man, L-Mani Viney of New Jersey.

A ONE YEAR REFLECTION

Today is June 6, 2010. Yesterday on June 5, 2010 marked one full year of my baby sister's passing. I am actually writing this with a calm and soothed spirit. There are no tears or pain or anger or disappointment or anything else that I might have expected. There is nothing but peace and tranquility within me. I have celebrated her 40th birthday with a dedication on another website of mine.

So today is more of a reflection for me than anything else. Looking back, I have no regrets. I have learned so very much in this one year. One year ago today when I first got the news (to my face, mind you) I was so shocked that I literally went numb. So numb that I was unable to shed a tear. Then after writing about it, that is when it finally set in. I woke up every single day thinking that I was waking up from a horrid dream. But after one minute (maybe less) the reality came crashing down upon me. I honestly don't think that there was one morning that I did not shed tears upon waking up.

I honestly believed that I would never smile again. I also got the biggest smack in the face which catapulted me into a true reality and out of anyone's fantasy, including my own. I distinctly remember at one point it got so bad that I could not pour a glass of milk because I was shaking so hard from grief. But as time went on my family and close friends and I did a lot of talking. I did a lot of writing. I discovered that writing was much more therapeutic for me than I had ever imagined it would be. I discovered that I would be able to smile again and maybe even laugh once in a while. In all honesty I still do not smile as much as I did beforehand. Maybe I never will, who knows. What I do know is that life is a gift. It is to be lived and shared. It is to be treasured and not taken for granted. It is way too short because no one can ever know when their life clock rings and it is time for them.

That is why today I often do not spend but so much time discussing certain things. I have taken on a new motto. I actually got it from a member of the other website that I belong to. I liked it so much I absorbed it for myself. It reads: "LIFE IS TO BE LIVED AND NOT DISCUSSED." We as men and women today spend so much time discussing life and trying to ensure things in life that we fail to live it anymore. There are no certainties in life so why even bother asking or wondering "what can I do in or to make sure that...." You can't do nothing because there are no guarantees in life. We try to force things that cannot be forced. We try to assure things that cannot be assured. We try to change things or even people that cannot be changed. For what? What purpose does it serve? What do we gain out of it all? I truly believe that we end up sacrificing more than we gain because we believe that things HAVE TO BE a certain way. No, things do NOT have to be a certain way, but we are entrenched in that belief. That is why many of my discussion topic surround current events or politics and less of relationships, people and changing. Because in my new reality, it serves no purpose.

That is why today I do not take on the issues of the world. I got enough of my own. One thing I recognized immediately [following the loss of my baby sister] is that I was living in a fantasy world and so many people [not all] who carried their own issues with them I would take on in some form or another. Thus I would end up [in some form or another] allow their issues to become my issues. I recognized that as 'over-identifying' with someone or something. It is fine to identify with someone because you went through what they went through. But when you carry what they went through longer than you carry what you went through then that is over-identifying with them. It does way more damage to you than good to either of you. I allow people to carry their own baggage and I will carry my own baggage. Anything other than that will hinder one or both of us.

I often say that it was sad and pathetic that I had to lose my baby sister in order for me to GROW THE HELL UP. But perhaps in his infinite wisdom, the creator knew that in my baby sister's leaving this earth, it would inadvertently show and reveal so much to me that I just was not getting. Well it did just that. With all of that said, I can definitely say that I have made quite a bit of movement in this one full year. I only hope that my baby sister is looking down upon me and saying "Good job big brother!" I still cannot say the "d" word when it comes to her passing. But I am taking it all one step at a time. My mom will always have six children. The only difference is that five are here on earth and one is with the creator. Until I see her again I have a job to do right here on earth.

TO MY BABY SISTER

I was here when you were born patiently awaiting your arrival.

Mom brought you home from the hospital, yes I remember it all

She taught me how to hold you, feed you, burp you, change you and clothe you.

You were my introduction on how to take care of an infant child

Thus began our bonding process as brother and sister.

You followed me around as a toddler

You always wanted me to pick you up

You always wanted me to carry you around

But when your daddy walked in you ran from me to him

It was okay, I was still young myself then

You were very sensitive

You always felt my pain

When I was spanked you cried as well

When I was punished you snuck me dessert, treats and snacks

It was us against the adults

You liked to climb on me

You liked me to play with you

You even liked me to read to you

There was six of us but it was just the two of us

You were only twelve when I left

I had to go off to college

You didn't even know what was happening

You just knew that a change was being made

So you didn't even ask

You climbed in the car with me to the station

You followed mom to see me off

You remembered all the time

You knew what the others always forgot

I don't like onions

I don't like liver

Many other things as well

You reminded the others before I had to

You were younger but you were looking out

This is what a baby sister is all about.

Older sisters take care of you

But baby sisters look up to you

When they get older, they look up AND look out

That is what I got from you

I will never forget

I will always love you

Until we see each other again

Your Big Brother

What TrueLogic seeks in a woman.

I want "a long-term relationship, for a potential wife." It is as simple as that for me.

I want a female who believes me AND believes in me. A female whom I can live with, laugh with and grow old with. A female who will love me for the good and the bad [because nobody is perfect so nothing is ALL good]. A female who is willing to be there for me and allow me to be there for her. A confidant who feels very secure in confiding in me and I in her. A female who will put forth constructive criticism and not destructive criticism which always tears a brother down! A female who is affectionate and is not afraid to show it no matter where we are. A female who makes me the most important part of her life but also has a life outside of me [trust me, my own biological brother is going thru this now]. A sister who has an undying love for her people [as I do] and recognizes that love for her people is important. A sister who is sincere to a fault and is not afraid to step outside herself or her comfort zone in order to address the hard things that come our way. A female who believes in compromise as I do. A female who is 'ride or die' and has my back where I know that I don't have to look over my shoulder, for I know she has me covered. A female who loves me to the point where she will not allow anyone to talk bad about my in her presence yet my absence. A female who, when she says she loves me she looks me in my eyes and means it and those words resonate all throughout her being!!

This is the type of a woman that Logic1914 is looking for.

Transformation

Okay, this is nothing special but at the same time it is something. I was on my way towards my destination less than 24 hours ago and I started to feel different. I started to feel so much like a FULLY GROWN MAN. I cannot explain it seeing as I am currently over age 40. I never ever felt as if I was not a man since I turned age 18. I felt even more of a man when I moved out and secured my own apartment. But today it was so overwhelming that it was just 'unmistakable' within me. Again, there was never any doubt that I was not a grown man but today I felt the seal put on me.

In contemplating [because I had to think and wonder where was this feeling coming from] I began to realize that there just may be a reason for the way I was feeling. In the last few weeks I was becoming firm and staunch in various positions of mine. I had begin make more and more unwavering and solid decisions. I felt myself become more determined and more driven in achievements that I had set before me. I can even say that [as much as I fear failure] I was no longer fearful at the concept of being a failure should I ever become a husband or a father or both. It is like that very thought just completely and totally dissipated within me.

In all my years of walking God's earth, I never even envisioned that a male would get to a point where he would 'feel' like a man. I just thought that it came with the territory. Especially if he got married, became a father and was responsible for the life of another human being. The very concept of doing what a man does and not feeling like a man never even entered my mind at all. But I see now that feeling like a man is so much more phenomenal than just going through the process of doing what a man does. Was it a spiritual thing? Was it a physical thing? Was it a excessive release of testosterone? I don't know and [actually] I don't care. It was one of the most phenomenal feelings that I have ever experienced and that is what's important.

With this all said, while I am over age 40 and on my own. While I do what I need to do and handle my business like a man is supposed to do. I can honestly say that this is the first time in my entire life [outside of a sexual nature] that I have truly 'felt' like a man. I am curious though to see how long this feeling will last. But as long as it last I am going to roll with it.

On Sunday February 28, 2010 after 7 days of absolutely no contact, I came to the realization that my girlfriend [Tracy Lia Smith-Sutler] and I no longer have a relationship. Once again I am seemingly cursed with the three (3) month syndrome. I just cannot seem to get any of my relationships to last any longer than three (3) months. What am I doing wrong? What does a brother have to do to rid himself of this curse?

All of my siblings are or were married. All of my siblings have children. WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN? When do I get the opportunity to say "I do"? When do I receive the blessings of fatherhood? When do I get the opportunity to have an infant child call me "daddy"? Am I cursed to remain single? Or am I just that repulsive that no female wants to be with me longer than three (3) months? Or is it something else that I don't even know about?

I am on the cusp of 'desperate times call for desperate measures'. But in no way do I even want to come off as desperate. Not only is that the ultimate turn-off. But then I am saying that I have thrown EVERYTHING that I have ever held onto out the window [the very essence of who I am] just to be able to say that I am married or I was married. Has it come down to that?

All I have ever wanted to be happy [as far back as I can remember] was to have a family of my own. Nothing in life would make me happier. However, it appears [once again] that happiness will continue to elude me for the rest of my life. I guess that when my time comes to meet my maker I will leave this earth as a John Doe with no stamp on it and no living legacy left behind.

This is not the way a man should live!!!

To my ex-girlfriend Tracy Lia Smith-Sutler. Whatever it is that made you abandon me to seek out, I hope you find it. I hope it makes you happy from where I fell short. I also hope that you and your daughter are always happy and healthy and are blessed with everything that you could ever want in life. It obviously was not me. I'm sorry that I could not give it to you. Even if I can't talk to you, this blog will act as my resolution and closure to what we once had. I did love you, but I am sorry that was not enough. I guess in a way I always will love you. I just can't 'love you back to me'. Once again, I hope you find whatever it is that you are looking for that I could not be.

Another Lesson of TrueLogic