Transformation

Okay, this is nothing special but at the same time it is something. I was on my way towards my destination less than 24 hours ago and I started to feel different. I started to feel so much like a FULLY GROWN MAN. I cannot explain it seeing as I am currently over age 40. I never ever felt as if I was not a man since I turned age 18. I felt even more of a man when I moved out and secured my own apartment. But today it was so overwhelming that it was just 'unmistakable' within me. Again, there was never any doubt that I was not a grown man but today I felt the seal put on me.

In contemplating [because I had to think and wonder where was this feeling coming from] I began to realize that there just may be a reason for the way I was feeling. In the last few weeks I was becoming firm and staunch in various positions of mine. I had begin make more and more unwavering and solid decisions. I felt myself become more determined and more driven in achievements that I had set before me. I can even say that [as much as I fear failure] I was no longer fearful at the concept of being a failure should I ever become a husband or a father or both. It is like that very thought just completely and totally dissipated within me.

In all my years of walking God's earth, I never even envisioned that a male would get to a point where he would 'feel' like a man. I just thought that it came with the territory. Especially if he got married, became a father and was responsible for the life of another human being. The very concept of doing what a man does and not feeling like a man never even entered my mind at all. But I see now that feeling like a man is so much more phenomenal than just going through the process of doing what a man does. Was it a spiritual thing? Was it a physical thing? Was it a excessive release of testosterone? I don't know and [actually] I don't care. It was one of the most phenomenal feelings that I have ever experienced and that is what's important.

With this all said, while I am over age 40 and on my own. While I do what I need to do and handle my business like a man is supposed to do. I can honestly say that this is the first time in my entire life [outside of a sexual nature] that I have truly 'felt' like a man. I am curious though to see how long this feeling will last. But as long as it last I am going to roll with it.