On Sunday February 28, 2010 after 7 days of absolutely no contact, I came to the realization that my girlfriend [Tracy Lia Smith-Sutler] and I no longer have a relationship. Once again I am seemingly cursed with the three (3) month syndrome. I just cannot seem to get any of my relationships to last any longer than three (3) months. What am I doing wrong? What does a brother have to do to rid himself of this curse?

All of my siblings are or were married. All of my siblings have children. WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN? When do I get the opportunity to say "I do"? When do I receive the blessings of fatherhood? When do I get the opportunity to have an infant child call me "daddy"? Am I cursed to remain single? Or am I just that repulsive that no female wants to be with me longer than three (3) months? Or is it something else that I don't even know about?

I am on the cusp of 'desperate times call for desperate measures'. But in no way do I even want to come off as desperate. Not only is that the ultimate turn-off. But then I am saying that I have thrown EVERYTHING that I have ever held onto out the window [the very essence of who I am] just to be able to say that I am married or I was married. Has it come down to that?

All I have ever wanted to be happy [as far back as I can remember] was to have a family of my own. Nothing in life would make me happier. However, it appears [once again] that happiness will continue to elude me for the rest of my life. I guess that when my time comes to meet my maker I will leave this earth as a John Doe with no stamp on it and no living legacy left behind.

This is not the way a man should live!!!

To my ex-girlfriend Tracy Lia Smith-Sutler. Whatever it is that made you abandon me to seek out, I hope you find it. I hope it makes you happy from where I fell short. I also hope that you and your daughter are always happy and healthy and are blessed with everything that you could ever want in life. It obviously was not me. I'm sorry that I could not give it to you. Even if I can't talk to you, this blog will act as my resolution and closure to what we once had. I did love you, but I am sorry that was not enough. I guess in a way I always will love you. I just can't 'love you back to me'. Once again, I hope you find whatever it is that you are looking for that I could not be.

Another Lesson of TrueLogic